Insight.

I have spent years trying to seek out people that were of like mind and ideas of my own. It proved tricky when my ideas shifted as I eventually dumped most and kept moving on. My base is a turn table and it constantly evolves causing me to seek within myself what it is that I do not find outside. Recently, I have held a disgust for the things that I have participated in for the past couple of years. I have had no passion and so my writing and activity dwindled. Does not help that the winter wonderland outside of my door provides nothing but cold and barren wastelands that are typically beautiful any other time of year.

Last spring, I was released from the downtown hospital where I had spent several months dealing with a personal matter that turned into a horrid nightmare I still relive nearly a year ago today. It was when I left that I manage, with a few kicks in the ass, to realize the great strength in myself and the pulling of myself to something greater. I decided that I was going to look into buying a bike, getting more active and basically destroying everything around me that got into my way. 

25+ mile walks and biking trips, coloring the pavement with my effort and gaining more and more strength. I was never a weak person. I was never a stagnate person. I had disgust, still do, for those who lay around in a lazy stupor all the time. I held the same level of contempt for those who threw themselves in a literal wasteland and would barely take the time off to be sober long enough to catch up with the real world happenings. 

After awhile, I started relating to things that I had also held in contempt for a long time. I assumed that the front men of these ideas were the main ideas and if that was the case, I had no room in my life for them. I gave it a shot a couple years later and to this day keep it to myself. I have spoken very little about what I hold dear to myself in this journey or even why I choose to continue it. With some resemblance of hope, I carry on searching. Meanwhile, my partner decided to let me in on things that I had never known and I fell in love with the imagery, the ideas and the characters. 

With these images and stories, my fire was re-ignited and here I am again today.