If you must know anything about me, it's two things..
A. I can be honest to a fault
B. I don't take on other people's emotional baggage very well.
That being said.
False accusations sit firmly with an unstable individual that gets their feelings hurt.
To claim that I have caused some sort of trauma due to the arguments we had may be valid. You leave you heart too much on your sleeve if it is too sensitive. I do not play well with you or anyone else. Making accusations just makes me want to laugh in your face. When will you realize that no matter how many blogs you make trashing me and no matter how many times you post these things about myself and others, you are not going to get brownie points. The whole world sees you as you are and that makes you feel insecure. Which you should be. Your low down dirty tactics to get someone in their personal life because they got you angry (and no one likes when you get angry right?) are pathetic and shows you as nothing but a waste of fucking time.
I was one of the only people that gave you a space and some time to prove to me that you weren't a shit disturber. You proved me wrong (congratulations that is not easy for anyone to do) and proved them all right.
What I think really gets you about me is that I didn't and don't want anything from you or anyone else. The internet is not where I live my life and when I walk away, you don't exist. Hell, when I am here, you do not exist. You continuously blast your hostility across the internet as if I could have anything to fear from a person that lived thousands of miles away from me. Dox me. Talk about me. Keep doing it. You make me smile and encourage the internet to figure me out. When no one ever will.. but it gives me more.
Accusations that I am a neurotic psychic vampire are hilarious. As I have stated previously, in the long run, I am doing you a favor because you are the one that needs the attention. When have you ever successfully flown under the radar? Never. You never could and never will because you need it.
Furthermore, I do not fear you. I do not fear what you know about me. It is common knowledge that I am an asshole. It is common knowledge that there are times I sound like I am full of myself. The little personal tidbits you tried to air in public in the attempts to humiliate me are all common knowledge. Where I live, who I am with.. common knowledge. You see, the easiest way to get a person to trust you, is to make them think that they are holding onto something that no one else does. Only problem is, I don't share.
You say I lost out on a lot. I lost out on nothing. The thing I lost was your emotional baggage and continuous seeking of approval and appreciation. I didn't gain anything from being friends with you. You did from me for awhile though. Your pathetic little site got more traffic with my nym than it ever does now. It's a little sad really. As anonymous as your blogs are, it's still an attempt to get others to think about me.. maybe have a self confirming response.
As for this victim card no one wants to touch. The claim that I am putting out the victim card is clearly and blatantly false. If anything, I want the bully card you are trying to paste on me while passively trying to implicate that I just have a wounded ego from an "Alpha" male. When I say that you are playing the victim, suddenly I am a Feminist nazi trying to take away from your Alpha wiles and are failing to manipulate you.
What's even more sad, is that you can't accept yourself as you are. You, for some reason, thought that having your own site would ruffle your dusty feathers off and make more of yourself. I am going to let you in on something that doesn't seem well known to anyone anymore..
The internet? The information highway? Is not life. You do not experience real life online. You can learn so much from the internet but unless you learn how to disconnect and really connect with things outside of it, you will always be stung and stuck with the internet persona you have and the lack that you feel from being in a world of simple numbers and letters.
You always offer some kind of half assed pseudo psychology ridden bullshit advice to me so I will take it upon myself to return the favor.
Get a life. Go outside for longer than the trip to a grocery store. You are mentally and socially unstable because you don't actually interview life as it is. Go out and do fucking something. Ride a bike, take a walk.. make a fucking friend that doesn't know about your nasty history of being an unstable neurotic psycho. Satanists are not the only ones that say go out and DO. Everyone with some sort of understanding of what life is and has had a taste of what death is like, does too. It's not like you are going to defecate on your "religion" favor of the month by doing it.
Oh and one other thing too?
Keep on talking .. I like it because it proves to me that I had such an impact on your life, it forced you to be active for once. Even in your denial of hating me, even through your false aggression.. I made you move. And even though you'll always plead differently, you'll always come in second.. behind me. I will always win. Sorry hon.. but you just lost the game.
I used to genuinely adore you, Lexi. What happened? I was your good friend who refused to tolerate contempt and be a doormat. You refused to respect my personal boundaries while I respected yours, deliberately pushing me to breaking point. Then you blame me, joining the hive mind. Where is your personal honor and integrity?
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have been well and truly assimilated into the Borg.
All I see is a vulnerable person who is looking for love in all the wrong places and doesn't know who her real friends are.
Have fun at SIN. I'll be working on improving myself. I seriously suggest you seek help.
I won't hold a grudge for your serious personal betrayal and lack of honor and integrity. You are mentally weak. You need to empower yourself.
Nothing about you overall as a human being suggests you are evil or fundamentally unlovable. You need real help. I genuinely appreciated all of your personality until you crossed my lines and turned on me, for whatever reason. I do need loyal friends, not Judas Iscariots. I am actually human, not some kind of sociopathic monster.
I suggest you get over your grudge and take a look in the mirror. You are poisoning yourself. I will never lower myself to genuinely hate you, nor sociopathic ice cold indifference. I'm over that deeply neurotic shit. You're still human, and heroes and villains don't exist.
Wake up and get the wool out of your eyes. The SIN mindfuck is toxic, and it saddens me to see you so vulnerable to peer pressure.
Stephen
In defense of my honour. Part 1.
ReplyDeleteA follow-up after several months.
Do excuse my bluntness, Ms OrgasmicKarmatic. This is time to finally get closure and apply my need and desire for moral self-defense. It's not just about your terms only, you're not the only person in the Universe.
I am not out to harm you. I am not out to stalk you. I am not like your abusive ex who you seem completely jaded by. I am not the Meq of troll lore, the monstrous psycho put together by people with no real-world experience of me. But you don't get to control me either. I am a free man, not a slave.
I have no interest in pursuing vengeance against you for your personal betrayal, so consider yourself safe from any possibility of future harm. I am just going to give my side of the story right here, as I have a right to in defense of my own honour, and I am going to tell the truth as I see it without walking on eggshells as if you are some kind of delicate flower. I consider this fair and just. This is how a civilised person handles conflict. You left the door open, so I'll return the favor of giving my side of the story, on my terms.
Here is my perspective.
Lexi, this is honestly the way I saw your and Jeanette's behaviour on my forum - like two spoiled puppy dogs going into someone's lair and taking a shit on their rug to mark their territory, feeling entitled to tolerance for their liberty to shit on the rug. Then after forcing the owner to kick them out by pushing the rug-shitting to extremes without considering how the owner felt about their puppy rug-shitting antics, throwing a temper tantrum and sulking after to get pity and sympathy from your highschool clique, pretentiously acting like delicate and beautiful ladies who were poor victims of the Big Bad Meq.
You did not show me respect in my lair Lexi. You do not have the right to dominate me with temper tantrums and demandingness on my own forum. That is the reason I banned you and Jeanette. Not because I'm a psychopathic monster who did it out of malicious spiteful intent, which you seem to be happy to attribute to me out of a jaded assumption of bad faith. I never personally hated either of you.
I banned you because you CROSSED MY LINES. You and Jeanette took me for an idiot. I was DEFENDING MY HONOUR against two women who thought I was their personal doormat and who stupidly mistook me for some kind of weak goofball they could play games with. In my world, I do not allow a woman to control me with emotional abuse and head games, under any circumstances. I do not tolerate mobbing/gang behaviour. I am not Zach Black or Shawn. My domain is not a biker bar, and it is crossing my lines to turn it into one. In MY world, a woman is not entitled to treat me with contempt under any circumstances, and get treated nice and kind in return - and I would never expect the same from her.
You and Jeanette had too much rope for formal warnings and you knew it. I was cruel and you deserved that, Lexi. It was purely in reciprocation and in lesser proportion to your behaviour before which I have logged, if you ever feel the need to dispute that fact. It was you, not me, that got you banned. Fact.
I'd dump my girlfriend if she gave me half the disrespect you did, and I would not disrespect her either like that. I am not anyone's bitch, Lexi. I'm not a knight in shining armour, a surrogate daddy who offers unconditional love to wounded and broken souls, or tolerance to someone acting like a "how do you like me now, huh?" stupid immature punk bitch in my face. Life is not a fairy tale. Life is not highschool, some people do grow up.
You massively crossed my lines relentlessly and without restraint, and I defended myself honorably with no malicious intent. I didn't hate your guts then, I don't hate your guts now. No, not even after all you said and did, I'm not insecure enough for your insults to wound.
You got banned for acting extremely stupid.
That's it.
In defense of my honour. Part 2.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are still hurt over it. Over getting banned from a fucking forum. You won't even admit it to yourself, but all your antics reek of hurt. And being a sheep. And opportunistic sexism. An entitlement as a woman to have her feelings treated more gingerly than a man's and get sympathy and pity by exploiting stupid White Knights.
This was all about you still being hurt from being banned. You can flip it around and spin it all you want, say the trolls were right, deflect all Lexi's personal responsibility when convenient and buy into herd opinion. Convenient and easy to believe it's all Meq, not you. But that proves nothing. You're entitled to your own opinion, but not your own reality.
It's all about you still being hurt. You were friends with me for 3 years. I hurt your pride. You just had to deny all personal responsibility and shift the blame onto me. I HELD YOU TO ACCOUNT by banning you. You couldn't take it. It hurt. So you acted like an adolescent. Waaaa, what a meanie that Meq is! Meanie! How dare he not do what I want! Asshole! Fucker!
Feel free to blame me for everything. It's not you, it's all me. Go on, you know you want to. The trolls were 100% right about Meq, it's all black and white, forget the shades of gray. 100% Meq's fault, 0% Lexi's fault. If that feels good. But it does make you a complete hypocrite.
Or alternatively, you could get treatment for your evident Borderline Personality Disorder (often misdiagnosed as Bipolar, your case is clearly BPD). Since you like throwing out "unstable" as an insult, I would suggest "glass houses". Seriously. You turned on me. I did not turn on you. I have hard evidence on record. Deal with it. I have a mild Autistic Spectrum Disorder with long-term depression, due to an excessively high IQ being raised in a low-IQ environment. That does not make me "unstable", although I'm more than aware of your hypocritical and hidden prejudices. I don't use the pity card, unlike you with your "Bipolar" (actually Borderline, much more malicious than Bipolar).
You'll find I am firmly grounded in reality and that all reports of me "turning on friends" (made by deeply respected shit-stirring trolls) were actually "friends" turning on me. I strongly value loyalty and integrity and utterly despise unwarranted backbiting done out of petty jealousy and envy. Hence my vengeful act against the 600 Club member which got me excommunicated. My family and friends know I've done it. They don't necessarily approve. But they don't think I'm a psycho either, given the circumstances and the complete lack of integrity I was treated with. So I have nothing to hide, Lexi.
Bipolar/Borderline is the VERY DEFINITION of an unstable person. Like you, not me. And you throw out "unstable" as an insult? Do you have the slightest idea how hypocritical you are being? Like even throwing out "neurotic" as an insult? Seriously?
I do not tolerate predation towards me from so-called friends under any circumstances. Only psychopaths prey on friends, or complete untrustworthy hypocrites who are worthy of cruel bottom-up justice when they cross me with that game I do not tolerate. Like this very message. I am no more cruel than this. What you see is what you get.
In defense of my honour. Part 3.
ReplyDeleteAnd you said you get pissy because people don't trust you in real life? Maybe people don't trust you because they see you as you really are, as an untrustworthy and unstable person? You got pissy at me repeatedly for not trusting you. I gave you trust, you abused it, and you see it as a win? How does that honestly make you look? Don't you need to EARN trust by being a trustworthy person by other people's standards of trustworthiness, not just throw temper tantrums when people don't do what you want? Or do you prefer to just call them an asshole when your games don't work, since you're used to getting what you want?
That evil Meq who victimised you... It's all his fault! Meanie! Jake is right, Meq's an evil psycho and predator, your worst fears come true! And you are prey! Prey! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! The Big Bad Wolf is out! You're a stupid bitch aren't you.
Anything, Lexi, to make you feel it's all my fault and you did nothing wrong. That's all it is. A way of not feeling guilty. A way to feel it's not your fault, out of your personal insecurity. Shift the blame and scapegoat. Meq - now that's a convenient target. Of course Meq always plays the victim! So it MUST be all Meq's fault: Meq 100% responsibility, Lexi 0% responsibility. Makes perfect sense. All you need to do is "sell it" to your peer group biased against Meq, and it magically makes it true.
You are the one being neurotic here Lexi, not me. Think about it.
I suggest a different route. Forget blame. Try responsibility, as I am focusing on.
“Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness.” - Epictetus
And I do actually understand Moral Nihilism. If moral nihilism is true, then I did nothing wrong. Can you admit that? Otherwise, you are a complete and utter hypocrite. Not me, you.
Just to make that perfectly clear to you.
In my book, you did nothing evil, just foolish. I have no need for hate or malice, and I have no need for your approval or your attention. I am not a stalker, Lexi. Sulk forever if it works for you. I know you're still sore.
And you're jealous of my real integrity over your fake mask of lies and hypocrisy - your pretentiousness. You're fool's gold. You proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt to any reasonable human being, that only an idiot would trust you. I can see right through you.
I am just the bigger person than you. Deal with it.
Feel free to throw a temper tantrum and act like I've victimized you.
Peace and safety.
Meq - The Devil of Satanism